Breaking the ‘Cycle of Negativity’
Being a parent is one of the most challenging things you can do in life — but also the most rewarding. It’s worth getting help and advice if your child is acting up, and it’s worth doing whatever you have to to course correct him or her if your child is in a negative behavioral pattern. Studies show that behavior is directly tied to how a child feels about him or herself, so it makes sense that constantly “getting on their case” will only make him or her feel worse — which in turn will make his or her behavior worse.
We call this the “cycle of negativity,” where the child is acting up, the parent harps on him or her, the child acts worse. . .where does it end?
Parents will say, “But what do I do then? My child’s behavior is unacceptable. Do I just let them do it?”
The answer is, absolutely not. It is important to set clear boundaries, and expect your child to stay within those boundaries. The key is to praise them for the good things they do and say. Tell them what you love about them, tell them stories about when they were a baby, talk about fun memories you have — Create reasons to have positive interaction.
When it come to discipline, keep anger and frustration out of the picture. Set the rules, issue consequences, enforce consequences. Dr. Randy Hyde says, “Punishment should be all business.” Don’t let your child get your riled up. Don’t get pulled into a fight — and yes, this is harder than it seems.
Part of why it’s hard to break out of the cycle of negativity is because we have emotional triggers that are used to getting pushed by certain stimuli, and our children are very good and finding and pushing our emotional stimuli buttons. It will take self discipline and a lot of practice, and you will mess up and get mad. We all do. The key is to continue to try. Don’t let yourself fall into a cycle of negativity where you act up, then beat yourself up with your thoughts because you feel bad you did. Get right back up, and say something nice and cheerful to your child, be sincere. Praise them. Find a reason. And yes, it’s hard to do, but you can do it. To quote Dr. Hyde again, “Remember, you love this kid.”
Remember you love them, and tell them. Show them.
I was really cofunsed, and this answered all my questions.