While you’re thinking about new goals, consider writing a Personal Creed. Dr. Randy Hyde says that one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to live up to your values or what you think is right. In his book, Teen Miracle, he said, “Self-esteem grows as you achieve and accomplish your goals, and progress toward becoming the kind of person you want to be.”

Dr. Hyde often assigns people he treats in therapy to write a Personal Creed, so they can start to develop self-esteem and take control of their lives. A Personal Creed is a statement of your values, a declaration of your guiding principles. It is what you want to be according to what you think is important. It is the why behind goal setting.

Some tips from Dr. Hyde on writing a Personal Creed include:

• State your creed in the form of an affirmation as if you had already accomplished it.
• Start by writing down what is most important to you, including your thoughts, feelings and wants.
• Think about what you want to accomplish in life and how it relates to what you believe.
• Think about what principles you think are important.
• Review your creed daily with your goals, and even consider recording your creed in your own voice so you can listen to it daily.

A Personal Creed is a powerful way to work toward becoming the person you want to be, so at the end of your life you have more to show for it than a list of movies you saw.

We call this the “cycle of negativity,” where the child is acting up, the parent harps on him or her, the child acts worse. . .where does it end?

Parents will say, “But what do I do then? My child’s behavior is unacceptable. Do I just let them do it?”

The answer is, absolutely not.  It is important to set clear boundaries, and expect your child to stay within those boundaries. The key is to praise them for the good things they do and say. Tell them what you love about them, tell them stories about when they were a baby, talk about fun memories you have — Create reasons to have positive interaction.

When it come to discipline, keep anger and frustration out of the picture. Set the rules, issue consequences, enforce consequences. Dr. Randy Hyde says, “Punishment should be all business.” Don’t let your child get your riled up.  Don’t get pulled into a fight — and yes, this is harder than it seems.

Part of why it’s hard to break out of the cycle of negativity is because we have emotional triggers that are used to getting pushed by certain stimuli, and our children are very good and finding and pushing our emotional stimuli buttons. It will take self discipline and a lot of practice, and you will mess up and get mad. We all do. The key is to continue to try. Don’t let yourself fall into a cycle of negativity where you act up, then beat yourself up with your thoughts because you feel bad you did. Get right back up, and say something nice and cheerful to your child, be sincere. Praise them. Find a reason. And yes, it’s hard to do, but you can do it. To quote Dr. Hyde again, “Remember, you love this kid.”

Remember you love them, and tell them. Show them.

Set small, “bite-sized” goals in your parenting, things you can quantify on a daily, maybe even on an hourly basis. You might decide to smile every time your kid walks into the room. Or set a goal to tell him or her that you love them every day. Make yourself tell him or her five positive things every day. Give him or her a hug or a friendly sort of pat when you come into the room. Even small gestures like this can make a big difference in your relationship.

Being the best parent also means being the best you. Remember, you can’t be a good parent unless you are strong inside yourself. Dr. Hyde says, “The best parents are morally mature and responsible in their own lives. They face life courageously, live principled lives, solve problems and cultivate an optimistic attitude.”

Live your life with meaning and purpose, and your kid will find that to be a powerful example that will have a big impact on his or her life.

One of the most effective ways to teach this principle is to teach the child “if, then”  statements. For example, an “if, then” statement would be “If you do not clean up your room, then you will receive a time out.”

When we teach a child that there will be a consequence and then follow through, the child learns to make certain choices and those choices will lead to certain consequences.

It is fun to imagine with your child different scenarios and have them guess what the consequence would be for different choices. This ‘guessing game’ can be very fun and extremely enlightening for your child and for you.

For example, you might say, “What would be the consequence if you…

• Decide to smoke?
• Play with your little sister for 15 minutes?
• Write a four-page paper for your teacher instead of three?
• Swear in class?
• Don’t brush your teeth?
• Say ‘thank you’ often to your mother or teacher?”

This can be one of the most effective ways to teach moral judgement. Remember, don’t lecture, listen.

Warm Regards,

Dr. Randy Hyde

• Respect
• Increase in love, bonding, and attachment—the child learns that they can trust you
• Cooperation